By Jess Fenton
13th April 2012

It was not too long ago when people thought the idea of turning one of Disney’s most tame and boring children’s rides into a feature film was ludicrous and doomed to fail. We all know how that turned out. Not long after, Hasbro came forth with ‘Transformers’. True, alien robots that can turn themselves into vehicles is a lot more to go on than simply ‘Pirates’, so why can’t a classic two-player board game about strategically sinking your opponents plastic ships using alpha-numeric coordinates be any different?

Peter Berg, the actor turned director behind ‘Hancock’ has brought the much-loved and still played Battleship game to the big screen. He’s added aliens, a young directionless thrill-seeker who enjoys a lack of responsibility and humility, a chart-topping pop-singer and one really hot former Sports Illustrated model - and voila, you have yourself one damn entertaining blockbuster.


Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) is a carefree guy living in Hawaii whom trouble always seems to follow. After being forced by his Commander brother (Alexander Skarsgard) to join the Navy, cleaning up his act and getting a girlfriend (Brooklyn Decker), Hopper is still causing trouble and hanging onto his job by a tread. When a government initiative to communicate with an Earth-like planet not only gets a response, but a personal visit from those on the other end of the line, Hopper, his brother, two other Navy ships and a few surrounding islands get trapped within the aliens' forcefield with no contact t0 the outside. It’s up to the crew to save the world from these hostile beings.

In the spirit of ‘Transformers’, this movie is huge in scope and epic in nature. Chock-full of CGI and plucky characters with lots of comic relief and high action sequences, there’s no confusing who this film is made for. Brooklyn Decker plays the part of eye-candy well, and for the ladies - we have Taylor Kitsch. Rihanna’s acting debut goes by without a hitch. Her beauty and charisma translate onto the silver screen beautifully, and to top it off she kicks ET's butt like she’s been doing it all her life. The smart, cheeky and self-referential humour fans of the ‘Transformers’ franchise love so much features welcomely is this film too. The special effects are eye-popping and all the characters are charming and endearing - just the kind of people you want to be rooting for for 2 hours.

In the spirit of ‘Transformers’, this movie is huge in scope and epic in nature.

Like so many before it, ‘Battleship's’ fault lies in attempting to show the alien attackers and once again, just not getting it right. Fortunately the “alien” story is not actually the feature of the film so much as a catalyst for action. The film is really focuses on the crew of the ship and how they handle their limited tools.

This is unapologetic slice of American patriotism made through an unabashed spectacle by a poor man's Michael Bay. This “Transformers on water” is fun popcorn entertainment, pure and simple. Enjoy the ride. “Mahalo Motherfucker.”

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