THE HITMAN'S BODYGUARD

Australian director Patrick Hughes (‘The Expendables 3’) has been put in charge of this testosterone-fest. With ‘The Hitman’s Bodyguard’ only his third feature film title, despite the calibre of talent in his previous work on ‘The Expendables 3’, this is a man clearly out of his depth when it comes to power-players like Jackson and Reynolds, and he’s either let them walk all over him or he was just brutally uninspired by the material.

For just under two hours, it’s a constant battle of who can be funnier, who can be cooler and who can be badder, with little on-screen chemistry holding it together. There’s a certain old school versus new school element to their characters, but it comes and goes in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it fashion. ‘The Hitman’s Bodyguard’ is non-stop bickering, bantering, action-packed chases and gun fire. It’s exhausting with few and far between moments to catch one's breath. It’s a vulgar assault that lacks any real sense of fun. It has its moments fit for laugher and exclamations of “Holy shit!” - as does any action film worth a dime - but this one promises so much and delivers so little. It’s the equivalent of watching a live orchestra play the ending of Tchaikovsky’s Overture 1812 from the front row.

I will give ‘The Hitman’s Bodyguard’ points for originality in one regard – Jackson has been given a wife. But not just any wife – a strong, sexy as all hell, age-appropriate wife in Salma Hayek. As Kincaid’s imprisoned paramour Sonia, she’s got a mouth on her to make a sailor blush, and it’s deftly entertaining. 50-year-old Hayek is still so fierce and beautiful it makes you want to weep. Okay, so at 69 Jackson and Hayek may not technically be an “age appropriate” partnership, but he wasn’t partnered next to a “foetus” so we’ll call this one a win.