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By Kate Smith
14th February 2015

Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday this year, and as a result, I recommend you get thee to the beach and enjoy the outdoors. If it’s raining, or for some reason you’d like some indoor entertainment* - what, oh what, are you going to watch on such a day? Since just about everybody does a Valentine’s Day films article, to be a bit different, we’re offering recommendations for those who relish the day, and for those who’d rather cut their toenails than buy into the Hallmark Holidays.

For those needing a Valentine’s antidote
If you couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day, and are fed up with the plethora of roses and hearts and chocolates bombarding us from every advertising medium available, perhaps you need a little anti-Valentine’s treatment. Take one or two of the below suggested films, and call me in the morning.

Home entertainment
1. Jurassic Park - Rampaging dinosaurs, Sam Neill, and preparation for ‘Jurassic World’s' release in June. Perfect... “Clever girl”.

2. What We Do In The Shadows - This hilarious New Zealand movie about vampires share-flatting couldn’t be less Valentine’s related. You’ll laugh til you cry.

3. Guardians Of The Galaxy - One of the best films of 2014, the inkling of romance is amusingly dealt with in the line, “I am not some starry-eyed waif here to succumb to your... your pelvic sorcery!”

At the cinema

1. Kingsman: The Secret Service - Action, stunts, gadgets and beautifully tailored suits; not to mention a seriously insane sequence with exploding heads (not as gross as it sounds). ‘Kingsman’ takes all the best elements of your favourite Bond movies and adds a little comedy, a smattering of attitude, and layers of insanity.

2. ‘Big Hero 6’ - Best family film out in a long time, ‘Big Hero 6’ has plenty for the adults to enjoy, and is a story all about the powers of friendship. Not to mention, it’s delightfully funny, and well worth seeing on a big screen.

3. The Interview - Crass humour and a ridiculous premise, ‘The Interview’ will surely cure you of any romantic thoughts.

4. Wild - If you’re in the mood for some introspective inspiration, Reese Witherspoon’s one-woman show will provide plenty of food for thought.

For those who love love
You can’t wait for that romantic dinner and long walk on the beach at sunset. You’ve been stockpiling cute sayings, and you’ve already bought the mushy card and heart-shaped chocolates. You’re St Valentine reincarnated. Indulge your penchant for romance with the following films.

1. Salmon Fishing in the Yemen - A charming British film starring Ewan McGregor and Emily Blunt that shares the idea that sometimes, things are simply meant to be.

2. The Hundred Foot Journey - Helen Mirren stars in this film about finding love in unexpected places.

3. The Little Death - A funny, relatable story about sex, marriage and experimentation.

4. Magic in the Moonlight - Colin Firth falls for the woman he’s set out to discredit. But will she have him?

5. About Time - A sweet story about the choices we make, and what we’d do for more time with the ones we love.

6. Her - This film explores the possibilities of love beyond what we know now, and whether our creations will one day outgrow us.

Bonus round - what you absolutely should not watch on Valentine's Day

1. Gone Girl - That will mess you up.

2. Fifty Shades of Grey - We can’t have a Valentine's article without mentioning the behemoth that is ‘Fifty Shades’... however, I expect the film to be about as good as the book: Rubbish. This is a film that glorifies domestic abuse by disguising it as erotica (and not even good erotica at that). I wouldn’t even pay to see it just to heckle. There are better things to be doing with our time. Wash the dog. Clean your shower. Anything else.

Special mention
Love Actually - Technically a Christmas movie, ‘Love Actually’ has to be one of the best films about love ever made. All the fluttering-hearts of new love, the pain of loss, and the honestly of old love fading. And there’s Hugh Grant dancing around Number 10. What’s not to… love?

Add your own suggestions in the comments!

*read that as dirtily as you like

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