Keep up-to-date on your favourite artists and movies, track gig and release dates, and join in the conversation.
SEARCH RESULTS FOR
We look at 'Fantasia' in a brand new episode of Ink & Paint - and don't forget to subscribe to our podcast!x
review, xXx: Return Of Xander Cage, xXx:, Return, Of, Xander, Cage, film, movie, latest movies, new movie, movie ratings, current movie reviews, latest films, recent movies, current movies, movie critics, new movie reviews, latest movie reviews, latest movies out, the latest movies, review film, latest cinema releases, Australian reviews, cinema, cinema reviews, Vin Diesel, Nina Dobrev, Samuel L. Jackson, Ice Cube, Toni Collette, Deepika Padukone, Ariadna Gutiérrez-Arévalo, D.j. Caruso film rating

xXx: RETURN OF XANDER CAGE

★★

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

THEATRICAL REVIEW
LATEST REVIEWS
By Jess Fenton
18th January 2017

With Daniel Craig’s fate as James Bond up in the air, many have started to speculate as to who the new 007 should be. Is it time to break the rules and cast an actor of colour in the role, or shall the infamous tuxedo become a sexy evening gown filled by a Jamie Bond perhaps? While the rest of the world salivates over the mere fantasy of Idris Elba with a license to kill (myself included), it did suddenly dawn on me that we’ve already got a “black James Bond” - only this one goes by the name of Xander Cage. He may not have the tux or that buttery British accent but he has a Q, an M, and a problem with authority despite working for it. He’s fearless. Charming. Bags any babe he can get his hands on. Always seems to have a steady stream of quips and atrocious one-liners in his back pocket, and always starts his adventures with a daring and comically impossible opening sequence. Your minds are totally blown right now, aren’t they?

SWITCH: 'xXx: RETURN OF XANDER CAGE' TRAILER 2

It’s been 15 years since Vin Diesel adopted the Xander Cage guise. But he didn’t don it for the 2005 sequel - that “honour” was left to Ice Cube. In true Diesel style, he left when the going got good - just like the ‘Fast and Furious’ franchise - only to return down the road when the going didn’t turn out to be a good as expected. Alas, Vin (and Xander) is back, front and centre in franchise heaven where he belongs.

This time around, Xander is “back from the dead” and recruited once again, this time by NSA agent Jane Marke (Toni Collette) to recover “Pandora’s Box” - a device that can basically do anything others don’t want you to do. At the moment it’s being used to systematically bring any of Earth’s 33,000 satellites down on any target. Assembling his own team of the good, the bad and the extreme (Ruby Rose, Kris Wu and Rory McCann), they first have to track down a couple of ghosts - but things start getting complicated when it turns out not everything is as it seems.

So, here’s what ‘xXx” gets wrong: it’s the world’s stupidest movie. The special effects that make ‘Land of the Lost’ look believable. The cringeworthy dialogue and one-liners that makes ‘GoldenEye’ read like Shakespeare. And the cliché women in barely any clothing with pouty lips. But here’s what ‘xXx’ gets right: The United Colours of Benetton casting and the epic stunts and action sequences. But here’s where ‘xXx’ gets confusing: it’s too serious to be funny, yet too funny to be serious. If the film didn’t take itself so seriously it would be an awesome action, adventure, laugh riot. In fact, it’s so stupid you can’t help but wonder if the joke is on us and they’re just taking the piss. But then again, they don’t seem to be laughing at themselves - at least not for the majority of the time - so where do we stand?

It’s so stupid you can’t help but wonder if the joke is on us and they are just taking the piss.

Here’s what I do know: Toni Collette should be embarrassed. There will undoubtedly be a fourth ‘xXx’ film. The opening sequence needed to be three times as long and then it could possibly rival any James Bond opener. I’m pretty sure not even Vin himself can tell the difference between Xander Cage and Dominic Toretto. Just one month after stealing the show in ‘Rogue One’ Donnie Yen is at it again in ‘Return of Xander Cage’. I sort of liked Nina Dobrev’s character (after a while) but at the end I still kinda wanted to punch her in the face. Most of the (almost) non-stop action is pretty cool.

Look, at the end of the day, ‘xXx: Return of Xander Cage’ and Xander Cage himself have a mandate: kick some arse. Get the girl. And try to look dope doing it. Mission accomplished.

FAST FACTS
RELEASE DATE: 19/01/2017
RUN TIME: 1h 47m
CAST: Vin Diesel
Nina Dobrev
Samuel L. Jackson
Ice Cube
Toni Collette
Deepika Padukone
Ariadna Gutiérrez-Arévalo
DIRECTOR: D.j. Caruso
WRITER: F. Scott Frazier
www.returnofxandercage.com
ReturnOfXanderCageAU
xxxMovie
TOP-RATED REVIEWS
Agatha Christie’s Marple: Series 1-3 - The classic crime novels come to life
TRENDINGWIN AGATHA CHRISTIE’S MARPLE: SERIES 1-3The classic crime novels come to life
Romantic Road - Falling in love with India, the Rolls Royce and each other
TRENDINGROMANTIC ROADFalling in love with India, the Rolls Royce and each other
Good Girls: Season 2 - It's never been so good to be bad
TRENDINGWIN GOOD GIRLS: SEASON 2It's never been so good to be bad
The Personal History of David Copperfield - Charles Dickens' classic reimagined through a comedic lens
TRENDINGWIN THE PERSONAL HISTORY OF DAVID COPPERFIELDCharles Dickens' classic reimagined through a comedic lens
Over the Limit - A real-life psychological thriller
TRENDINGOVER THE LIMITA real-life psychological thriller
About A Boy - All grown up 15 years on
TRENDINGABOUT A BOYAll grown up 15 years on
Melbourne Documentary Film Festival 2020 - The reviews
TRENDINGMELBOURNE DOCUMENTARY FILM FESTIVAL 2020The reviews
God of the Piano - A tale that tickles the ivories
TRENDINGGOD OF THE PIANOA tale that tickles the ivories
The Boys Who Said No! - Powering change through non-violence
TRENDINGTHE BOYS WHO SAID NO!Powering change through non-violence
The Violin Player - Sex and strings
TRENDINGTHE VIOLIN PLAYERSex and strings
Top End Wedding - Outback fantastic
TRENDINGTOP END WEDDINGOutback fantastic
Andrey Tarkovsky. A Cinema Prayer - Remembering a true master of film
TRENDINGANDREY TARKOVSKY. A CINEMA PRAYERRemembering a true master of film
X-Men: 20th Anniversary - A legacy worth saving?
TRENDINGX-MEN: 20TH ANNIVERSARYA legacy worth saving?
Revisiting 'Dark City' 20 years later - The most underrated and influential sci-fi film ever?
TRENDINGREVISITING 'DARK CITY' 20 YEARS LATERThe most underrated and influential sci-fi film ever?
Leaving Allen Street - Following residents out of institutional care and into our hearts
TRENDINGLEAVING ALLEN STREETFollowing residents out of institutional care and into our hearts
The Pickup Game - A confronting reveal of the pickup industry
TRENDINGTHE PICKUP GAMEA confronting reveal of the pickup industry
River's Edge - The kids aren't alright
TRENDINGRIVER'S EDGEThe kids aren't alright
Swans: Where Does a Body End? - An exhaustive look at an exhausting band
TRENDINGSWANS: WHERE DOES A BODY END?An exhaustive look at an exhausting band
The Land Before Time - 30th anniversary of a breathtaking animated masterpiece
TRENDINGTHE LAND BEFORE TIME30th anniversary of a breathtaking animated masterpiece
Romantic Road - Falling in love with India, the Rolls Royce and each other
TRENDINGROMANTIC ROADFalling in love with India, the Rolls Royce and each other
© 2011 - 2020 midnightproductions
All rights reserved

Support SWITCH | Disclaimer | Contact Us